Stress Inoculation: Looking for Jobs, Part 3

In Parts 1 and 2 of this article, I explained why it is often difficult for us to look for jobs and how the Stress Inoculation technique can reduce stress. In this part, I explain how to use Stress Inoculation when looking for jobs. Do you know who might have a good job lead for you? If the answer is yes, you should start by asking that person. If not, you should consider asking many, if not most, of the people you know or meet. Next, consider what might go wrong. What is the worst thing that could happen if you ask someone for a job lead? Of course, the answer is that the person will tell you that she/he does not have any leads. What are the negative outcomes of th response. Generally, there are two. First, you still don’t have any job leads. Second, you may feel rejected, embarrassed, or even humiliated, depending on the tone of voice and body language used by the other person. The next step in Stress Inoculation is to figure out ways to deal with these negative outcomes.

If you get no leads, what can you do? There are at least two possibilities. You can ask whether the person knows of others whom you can ask for job leads. Another possibility would be to ask for job search advice. Again, the Stress Inoculation technique instructs you to consider what might go wrong and what you can do. If the person does not refer you to anyone else and offers no advice, what can you do? In that case, I submit that you have accomplished as much as you can with that person and that you find another person to ask. You are as well prepared for that outcome as you can be.

What do you do if you feel rejected or embarrassed? You must deal with your feelings. I’m going to be blunt: if you can’t deal with your feelings of rejection, your chances of succeeding in life are greatly diminished. If you let your fear of rejection stop you from asking others about potential jobs, then you will be far less likely to find available jobs. Thus, excessively avoiding possible rejection will leave you unemployed.

What can you do about your fear of rejection? First, find a way to deal with the pain of rejection for now. Perhaps you can talk about it with your partner or best friend. Perhaps you can cope by taking a long walk, riding your bike, exercising, watching an old movie, or eating chocolate (a small piece of chocolate, that is). Two highly inspirational films are “The Miracle Worker” and “The Fastest Indian,” both of which deal with ordinary people overcoming great odds. Another movie that teaches the value of persistence is “Stand and Deliver.” By the way, did I mention that all of these movies are based on true stories? Check these films out, and recharge your courage batteries.

In the long term, you can eliminate your fear of rejection completely. That’s right, you can eliminate it completely, simply by learning my Better Communication Technique, which I explain in a free tutorial on my website. I also explain how communicating assertively will greatly improve your life in my book, “The Fine Print of Happiness: What no one has told you about improving relationships, boosting self esteem, and achieving lasting happiness,” which is available on my online bookstore (please see my website, www.KarenLifeCoach.com, for details) and Amazon.com. I also offer personal life coaching and workshops to teach people these skills. However, I offer a free option for OutOfWorkChicago.com: email me a question anonymously about dealing with a difficult situation or person, and I will post the answer on this blog.